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| Uncle Zach Presents: The 50 Greatest Songs Ever.
(in alphabetical order)
99 Problems - Jay-Z - After the Bataan-like death march of endless
“rap-infused” derivative rock artists and their singles, Jigga finally
shows us that to properly blend the two styles together, you gotta put
the beat first, baby. Rick Rubin lays down a killer gunshot track
that Jay flows over like thick, sweet honey. mmm.
Act - Blindside - Swedish metal has never been harder. Guitars,
bass and drums thrash in perfect dischordant unison while Christian
Lindskog takes us all to Hardcore Vocal School 101.
American Pie - Don McLean - Simply put, the best song ever.
As Long As You Love Me - Backstreet Boys - Because God loves syrupy
manufactured love songs too. Or something like that. And
this little number from the Boys is the best syrupy manufactured male
chorus adolescent love song ever.
Behold A Pale Horse - Saviour Machine - Because yes, the book of
Revelation really _did_ need to be put to a German orchestral Goth
soundtrack.
By The Time I Get To Phoenix - Isaac Hayes - Not only is this
18-minute-long Isaac Hayes masterpiece one of the finest soul jam
ballads ever, it also comes to us from quite possibly the best album
title ever: 1969’s “Hot Buttered Soul”.
California Love - Tupac - Dr. Dre and Tupac needed only two verses to
create the greatest rap song of all time. If you haven’t blasted
this rolling down a Cali boulevard with the windows down and the system
up, you haven’t lived.
Ceilings Crack - Cursive - One of the most important bands to make that
vital leap from mid-90s shoegazer to the beginnings of the emo
movement, Cursive expresses that all-important early-twenties angst
like no other. I listened to this song before basketball practice
almost every day for an entire semester.
Chase What Makes Your Heart Flutter - twothirtyeight - Though it sounds
almost nothing like their later material, this song from
twothirtyeight’s first EP stands out as their best overall track.
Emo before it was emo, and a brilliant guitar breakdown to finish the
song.
Earth Has No Sorrow Heaven Can’t Heal - Vigilantes of Love - Bill
Mallonee is one of the finest folk singer-songwriters of our age, and
it’s criminal that, outside of a few select obscure circles, no one
knows his name.
El Scorcho - Weezer - In an epic showdown for the right to be labelled
the best Weezer song ever, the “sensitive, submissive geek seeking cute
dominant indie girl” romance of El Scorcho narrowly edges out the
lesbian tragedy of Pink Triangle - this all just goes to prove, of
course, that Pinkerton is Weezer’s greatest album and a seminal
recording of the 1990s.
Everlong - Foo Fighters - One of the most powerful songs of hope and
longing recorded. Dave Grohl’s mastery knows no bounds.
Every Rose Has Its Thorns - Poison - Does Poison really need an
explanation? If so, then check your dictionary under “Power
Ballad”.
God Don’t Make Lonely Girls - The Wallflowers -Really. God Don’t Make Lonely Girls. It’s a fact. Look it up.
Gold and Silver - Stavesacre - Heartbreaking and anthemic, Mark Salomon’s unique voice soars on this standout track.
He Got Game - Public Enemy - Public Enemy show the world what the
phrase “socially-conscious rap” means. Not that many of us were
curious, but, y’know. Just for reference. Also serves as a
handbook for how to properly use a sample.
If I Told You This Was Killing Me, Would You Stop? - The Juliana Theory
- Normally, the phrase “angry emo anthem” is a highly pejorative
term. But this is _the_ Angry Emo Anthem. Snarl and whine
away, Brett Detar.
Indiscreet - Common Children - Common Children made some of the most
beautiful music the 20th century ever heard...had anyone in the 20th
century actually been listening. Their loss.
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls - If you try real hard, you can pretend that
neither Meg Ryan nor Dennis Cage were in any way, shape or form
associated with this beautiful, brilliant ballad.
Jet Black New Year - Thursday - Though punk is dead, post-punk-emocore and Thursday live on.
Kiss My Lips - Bon Voyage - The greatest makeout song of all-time.
Konstantine - Something Corporate - Can you handle nine minutes and
thirty-five seconds of piano emo-ballad goodness? Yeah. I
didn’t think so.
Macho Man - Village People - “Dig my big, big moustache! All right!” One of my personal theme songs.
Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis - Brand New - Backed by a smooth, slow bass
riff, Jesse Lacey’s scorchingly honest lyrics are soon united with a
crashing musical crescendo that provides a perfect backdrop to his tale
of guiltily seducing drunk college girls at bars. It sounds
better when he sings it, honest.
Ms. Jackson - Outkast - There comes a time in every man’s life when he
has to sit down and have a talk with his baby momma’s mama. But
thanks to Big Boi and Andre Benjamin, there’s now music for those such
situations where words just won’t suffice.
Normal Life - July For Kings - The best radio-friendly alt rock single that never actually made it to radio.
Outkast - P.O.D. - Before they became a bunch of wannabe Rasta Bonos,
P.O.D. made some sweet, sweet hardcore music. This ranks up there
as one of the best hardcore anthems of all time.
Paradise City - Guns ‘n’ Roses - Also a part of one of the greatest
movie karaoke scenes in “Can’t Hardly Wait”. Not that, uh, I ever
saw it.
Radio -Alkaline Trio - The best breakup song ever.
Rocket & A Bomb - Mike Knott - Michael Knott. Pioneer of
Christian rock music. Also sounds like a sloshed madman when his
voice goes hoarse during live performances. A poignant retelling
of the American Dream™ (live, of course).
Sabotage - Beastie Boys - Remember that whole spiel about rap/rock
under the Jay-Z selection? Yeah, that pretty much applies here
too.
She Is Beautiful - Andrew W.K. - Simple. Beautiful. Andrew W.K. quite possibly saved rock ‘n’ roll.
Sing For the Moment - Eminem - Em explains why the rap game exists in five and a half devestating minutes.
Still Fighting It - Ben Folds - Like Elton John, Ben Folds also has
goofy teeth, funny sunglasses, and the ability to write brilliant and
heartbreaking piano-driven pop music. But since Ben is a happily
married heterosexual, it’s slightly less uncomfortable and guilty to
enjoy his love ballads. But since this is just a song about
growing up, none of that really applies. Except for the whole
brilliant and heartbreaking piano-driven pop music bit.
Sugar Rush - Joy Electric - Ronnie Martin once again proves that, if
the machines really do take over one day, at least there’s a chance
they’ll be happy machines. Happy machines that like to make
bubbly synth pop. And that’s something everyone can enjoy!
Suitcase - Over the Rhine - This song is a slow, sad, sun-drenched Sunday afternoon. Beautiful.
The Best Deceptions - Dashboard Confessional - Chris Carraba again
proves that there is no one in the emo business with bigger ovaries
than he. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing.
The Triumph of Our Tired Eyes - A Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra
& Tra-La-La Band - For the Canadian progressive orchestral rock
revolutionary inside us all, the fine folks from A Silver Mt. Zion
offer a new anthem.
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler ft. Meat Loaf - This song
makes me cry every time. Just turn around, bright eyes.
Turn around...
Tuesday to Thursday - Bloomsday - The most depressing song of all time.
Unchained Melody - Elvis Presley - Ever since I first made this Top 50
list a year and a half ago, there was one rule and one exception.
The rule: No artist could have more than two songs listed. The
exception: Elvis. Though the King only has one track on this
edition of the list, his considerable shadow still dwarfs all other
selections.
Wencarla - Fold Zandura - Out of the ashes of legendary early-90s
industrial supergroup Mortal came Fold Zandura, quite possibly the best
modern rock band of the 90s.
West Coast Friendship - Starflyer 59 - Starflyer, and this song in
particular, is the perfect soundtrack to life. Nothing
spectacular or inspiring. It just absolutely, essentially fits.
What It Is To Burn - Finch - Emocore hymn, misunderstood love song, or both? You decide.
Wonderwall - Oasis - No one knows how the Gallagher brothers made
beautiful music together. Or why they haven’t killed each other
by now, for that matter. All we know is that Wonderwall is one of
the 50 greatest songs ever.
You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi - Break out the hairspray, slip
into the leather pants, and rock on, Bon Jovi. Rock on.
You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC - Some people have their Marvin
Gaye, others their Keith Sweat. But for everyone else, there’s
this timeless AC/DC classic.
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